Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
A+ Viking dick
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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