That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
