If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
