Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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