Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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