Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think my moral compass just broke
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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