i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
