dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
