Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
