I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize