she was so not down for the gang bang
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
