The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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