I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
