He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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