whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
