there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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