Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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