apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
