I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
