Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
