I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize