any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
