Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
