he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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