Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
