Your tits are I can't wait for
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
