I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
