pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize