im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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