Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How external is "for external use only"?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
