Define "chronic" masturbator.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
