i think my tv is drunk
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
