He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
