pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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