Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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