I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
