just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
