I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
