She said her name was "party"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
