life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
