I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
