This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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