what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
