jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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