This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
