He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
