okay pat passed out under dana's car
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
