remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Bang-toberfest begins!!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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