Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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