Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
