Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
