my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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