i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
