Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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