I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
