I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I am available for nakedness
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
