apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize