I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
that is very illegal...i love you.
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