My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
