Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
